Stress, Homesickness, & Culture Shock

After years of reading about people’s experiences and feelings after moving to the UK, a pattern became apparent for a significant portion of our community members. The excitement after the move, the honeymoon period, tended to last three to six months. Sometime around this point, people would begin to feel stress, culture shock, and homesickness, which can sometimes lead to wanting to give up and return home to America and their lives as they knew it before.

Culture Shock

Some people might expect that life in the UK will be similar to the USA, and it is, to a point. We share the English language and many values, but the UK is still a different culture, the British have different ways of doing things, different systems, different entertainment, and different foods. To many people, it feels like learning how to do everything again, differently. You won’t recognise the coins in your pocket or the brands on the store shelves, which one is best to buy? All you can do is experiment with products or ask for recommendations. It can go from being an adventure to a frustrating chore.

Over time, you do adjust and after many years, travelling ‘home’ to America can be a reverse culture shock, and you can forget simple things like the American words for things, like the Tube, the subway. Even after almost 20 years in the UK, I am still learning new things, and still sometimes can’t understand what those kids at the corner shop are saying, “innit“. You might grow to feel that you are truly at home, or you might always feel like an outsider. I have personally gone from one to the other multiple times over the years.

Stress

Two psychiatrists, Holmes and Rahe, created a scale of the most stressful life events. (Wikipedia, 2017[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale]) Their 1967 study was mainly focused on measuring stress levels that could contribute to physical illnesses in patients, but it is useful in illustrating how stressful moving abroad can be. 

Score of 300+: At risk of illness.

Score of 150-299: Risk of illness is moderate (reduced by 30% from the above risk).

Score <150: Only have a slight risk of illness.

Source: Wikipedia[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale]

With these basic changes involved in a move, we are already carrying quite a lot of stress. If other stressful events occur at the same time, such as marriage, pregnancy, financial hardships, or family illness or death, our stress levels can become elevated to the point where it can take a physical toll and cause mental illness. It’s important to be aware and look after ourselves.

If you are susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder, winter months can be difficult. The sun rises late and sets early in December, leaving very little sunlight out of office hours. This compounded with the dreary rainy winter weather, getting any sunshine can be elusive.

Whether you have plans now to return to America one day or not, circumstances evolve and feelings change, you may not always feel the same.

For a long time I desperately wanted to move back to the USA, and very nearly did, but as I stuck it out, that desperate homesickness passed. There were times I was as happy as a pig in poo and the thought of leaving made me want to cry. As I grow older, I have begun to feel the pull to go back home, spend time with family while it’s still possible and no longer need to worry about whether I can afford flights for a family visit this year. Every visit, when I see my parents at the airport, they are a little grayer and it’s scary. I know that going back will be as hard as moving here was, because ‘home’ is no longer the same as the memory of what I left. It will be starting all over again, as they say you can never really go back ‘home’ again.